18 6 / 2011

Part 1/2

Julian’s depression was obvious. He came back from school with shadowed eyes, sunken cheekbones, paler skin. He barely spoke anymore, just sat in his trailer in dark silence, staring blankly at the wall. While filming, he was phenomenal as ever. But off-set, he avoided human contact. As soon as he wrapped a scene, he would retreat to his trailer. He no longer went out with the rest of the cast, always claiming exhaustion. He withdrew from everybody, pulled back from anyone who tried to reach out. He was an empty shell, a ghost of himself.

Clark couldn’t bear watching his friend fall apart like this.

Two weeks after Julian’s return, Clark approached the door of his trailer, bag of cherry lollipops in hand. He knocked lightly. The lack of response was expected, so Clark pushed at the door, stepping in lightly. The lights were off, the trailer enveloped in near-blackness. Julian was curled up on the couch, knees drawn to his chest. His eyes stared blankly ahead, his arms curled protectively against his body. 

"J?"

Julian didn’t react. Clark moved closer, perching on the couch next to him. He reached out, placing a hand on his friends’ shoulder.

"Julian?"

The actors’ breath hitched, his bottom lip trembled.

"I told him."

Clark’s brow furrowed, but he said nothing, just waited patiently.

"Logan. The guy I…I told him."

Clark didn’t know who Logan was, but he knew enough about Julian to put the pieces together. 

"…and? What happened?"

Julian’s shoulders shook, and Clark pulled him closer, arm winding around his back. Julian buried his head in Clark’s neck, breathing deeply.

"I just…I always knew he didn’t feel the same. But hearing him say it…”

A single tear fell from Julian’s chocolate eyes, trailing a wet line down his cheekbone. Clark brought a hand up, rubbing the tear away with a calloused thumb. There was nothing he could say to make this better, so he settled instead for holding Julian close, letting him cry into his shoulder. Julian’s hands clutched at the material of Clark’s shirt desperately as he burrowed his head into the blond’s chest. 

"Clark…it just…it hurts so much," Julian’s voice was hoarse, broken as sobs wracked his body.

"I know," Clark pressed his face into Julian’s hair, arms wrapping tighter, "I’m so sorry, Julian."

Clark held him close, letting him cry silently. After an hour or so, Julian’s sobs subsided, his breathing evened. He ended up falling asleep curled into Clark’s side, tear tracks still fresh on his face. Clark continued to hold him, shifting slightly to move Julian into a slightly more comfortable position. Eventually, Clark nodded off as well, still gently cradling Julian in his arms.

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