JOGAN.

…I don’t know.

This started as a random ridiculous drunk!Julian & Sebastian fic.

But somehow depressing things happened.

.

“D’you think this is all I’m good for?”

Sebastian rolls over on his side, still cradling a half-emptied glass bottle in his hands. “What’re you talking about?”

“Sex.” Julian is lying flat on his back, gaze fixed on the ceiling. One hand loosely gripps a bottle of tequila. “You know I’ve never had a real relationship?”

“You?” Sebastian scoffs, “Please. There was…um…”

“No one. I’ve had flings. One-night stands. And…whatever the hell you are.”

“The best damn sex you’ve ever had, that’s what I am.”

Julian chuckles, tilting his head upwards as he raised the bottle to his lips. “Not gonna argue with you there.” He took another sip, “But really. Who’d want to date me?”

“Besides the entire female population of the country?”

Julian’s gaze finally slips from the ceiling, head rolling to the side as he glares at Sebastian.

“I’m serious! You’re Julian Larson. Everybody wants you.”

The actor’s lips curl into a smile. His eyes, though, dim, slowly straying back up to the ceiling. “He doesn’t.”

“Oh for gods’ sake—” Sebastian pushes himself up clumsily, “Are you going to spend your entire life pining after this guy?”

Julian doesn’t reply, just takes another drink.

“Seriously, Julian? What did I tell you?! Love is stupid. It’s pointless and messy and you shouldn’t do it.”

“Do you think I wanted this?!” Julian snaps, “Do you think I want to feel like this? Like I’m not good enough for him? Like I’m going to spend the rest of my life hurting because there’s nothing I can do to make this go away? Like…like there’s something wrong with me?”

Sebastian hesitates, half-moving to lay a hand on Julian’s shoulder. “J—”

“Forget it. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. Fucking alcohol.” He tosses the bottle aside, ignoring the liquid that seeps into his sheets.

Sebastian’s still staring at him curiously, and Julian offers a small smile. “I’m fine, really. Maybe I’m just…not the kind of person people fall in love with.”

“Julian—”

“Forget it.” Julian rolls over, turning his back to Sebastian. “‘m going to bed. Feel free to stay. Or leave. I really don’t care.”

“J—”

“Good night, Sebastian.”

For a moment, Sebastian’s tempted to say something to comfort him. But he’s never really been good at that sort of thing, and he and Julian don’t typically talk about this sort of thing. So instead, he sighs, shifting to the other side of the bed.

“Night, Julian.”